The $4.5 quadrillion project, spearheaded by Philmore Digital and targeted for a 2038 opening, would take up all of the state’s 662,000 acres – hosting 8.7 million A.I. applications and also storing recipes for the Pillsbury company. 

While 1600s-era domain laws empower the assembly to approve the project without putting it to a public vote, some residents are nonetheless concerned about what will become of them.

“Nobody has told us where we’re supposed to go,” says Jean Phipps, who has lived in Pawtucket all of her 71 years. “And they haven’t said what we’re supposed do do once we get there.”

Philmore CEO Laureen Foley insists that state’s 1.1 million residents have nothing to worry about.  “Wyoming and Nebraska have both said they’d welcome them with open arms,” she says, “and we’re waiting for  call back from Saskatchewan.”

Foley also dismisses concerns about the 17 trillion gallons of water per day the center will require to power its 548 billion gigabytes.

“It’s all coming from the Atlantic Ocean,” she says, “which our research tells us is an ocean with far more water than it needs.”

To honor Rhode Island’s history as one of the 13 original US colonies, Philmore will set aside 7.3 acres for the relocation of historic sites including the Breakers mansion, Truro Synagogue, and a portion of Roger Williams State Park. (The company is reserving the right to take the acres back if they’re needed for expansion down the line.)

“We’re kind of learning as we go,” says Foley. “This is our first state, but I’m pretty confident it won’t be our last.”

The post Entire State of Rhode Island May Soon be Replaced by One Enormous Data Center first appeared on Cubicle F.

“Maybe it’s the regulars like Matt and Janine,” says Steve Murray,  a pipe fitter who’s been a regular since 1992.  “Or Judy the cook’s Friday night perch, which has a reputation of renown.”   Mainly, he says, it’s because it’s Doug’s – cheap green maple paneling, mismatched tables and stools, and pictures of random smiling people covering every wall.

Last month Doug’s was purchased by Remson Hospitality, which operates the upscale Starve! restaurants across the US.  Remson will open ten exact replicas of Doug’s in major cities across the US next year.

“We’ll capture the clientele looking for that true, authentic neighborhood vibe,” says Remson CEO Marlo Sims. “A place where people can just chill.  Or just relax if they’re not familiar with the concept of chilling.”

To ensure authenticity, Sims has hired 34 designers, builders and influencers to ensure exact duplication down to the gouges in the panelling and the rips in the photos.  And 12 culinary experts are working around the clock to match Judy’s recipes. 

Also, at each location actors will be hired to play Matt and Janine. The actual Matt and Janine will conduct trainings on conversational topics, hand gestures, and how to laugh and belch like they do.  Some minor plastic surgery will also be involved.

No actor will be needed to play Stu, another regular who’s passed out by 7:30 every night, his head resting on the bar.  To save money, Remson has ordered ten Stus made of lifelike byo-lene. 

The only difference between the replicas and the original, says CEO Sims, will be the menu prices.  While burgers at the original Doug’s start $8.55, those at the replicas will cost at least $55.  Cocktails will average $40, not $4.00.

The post Unique Neighborhood Bar to be Duplicated in Cities Across USA first appeared on Cubicle F.

The curtain rises on 36 actors who go by numbers instead of names, seated in a circle. Two at a time – then four, then six, etc. – they take to the giant game board painted with large circles of varying colors. The show winds down three hours later, after a breathtaking 42 different numbers.

That’s a lot of songs for one show – and while it may have worked somewhere else, the problem with a game-board show is that too many of the songs involve the same concept:  Right Hand Purple, Left Foot Blue and Don’t Kick My Leg Off the Yellow sound pretty much the same, for instance.

There are exceptions:  The lovely Sally Cloverland (Number 6) singing Hoping and Praying He Won’t Tumble – as she’s poised nervously under 300 pound Number 33.  And Jerry Fillip (Number 22) singing the plaintive My Green’s Your Blue generated a few sniffles in the middle of the second act.  

Word from the road:  As their last two shows – Up from DesMoines and Mechanical Mary – closed after six and two performances, respectively,  Alvierro and St. Marie-Vance desperately need a hit.  Since so far no critics in Pittsburgh have been able to sit through an entire performance, this may not be it.  

The post Twister the Musical Struggling in Pittsburgh first appeared on Cubicle F.

“This was supposed to change everything,” says William Sandler, dean of Northeast Minnesota College of Mining and Engineering. “This was supposed to be the mechanical engineer that could analyze a concept and develop a procedurals framework in less than half the time it took an ordinary mechanical engineer.”

Based on this, hundreds of engineering firms hired the free rangers starting in 2020.  Last year, however, an analysis showed that it actually takes the free-rangers an average of 76.5 hours longer to complete most tasks – and that over half of them have never developed a single framework, or anything at all.

“Apparently, by not confining them to their drawing boards and letting them just wander, we’ve played havoc with their powers of concentration,” says Sandler.  Meanwhile, companies across the USA have been left holding the bag.

“We assumed the more we hired the more successful we’d be,” says Melissa Harsig, CEO of Plagens Development in Minneapollis.  In 2022 Plagens hired 14 free-rangers to work on projects –  including the $1.5 billion Fumington Bridge.

“We spent so much time rounding them up that nothing got done” says Harsig.  Plagens lost not only the bridge project, but 22 others representing $70 million in revenue.  The company replaced the 14 with stationary engineers and is still trying to recover.  “We have a steep hill to climb,” says Harsig.

Other companies have followed suit.  In 2022, there were 4,500 free range mechanical engineers employed at US firms. Today there are just two – neither of whom can currently be located.

The post Free Range Mechanical Engineers Fail to Meet Expectations first appeared on Cubicle F.

“Eleanor,” the new A.I. assistant launched by GPingo in February, takes the process to a higher level.  She eliminates jobs, but doesn’t bother taking over any of their functions.  She just eliminates the jobs.

“The goal  of A.I. is to reduce headcount, right?” says Gene Eiler, GPingo’s Chief Explanation Officer.  “Why waste time and worry reassigning responsibilities?”    

The beauty of it all, he says, is that Eleanor decides which companies to target and which jobs to get rid of.  And once she gets going, it’s impossible to stop her

“We were actually doing pretty well,” says Dorothy Sanford, HR Director of Nashville reimbursement start-up NoToGoTo.  “We were humming along with 34 full-time employees and were on the verge of hiring five more.”  Then, she says, Eleanor eliminated 12 of the company’s positions, most of which were considered essential to the operation.

“We tried everything we could think of to get them back,” says Sanford, “but Eleanor wouldn’t let us.”

More than 1600 other US businesses have faced a similar situation this year, as Eleanor has reduced their workforces by a combined 23,000 positions. 

“Sure, they complain about the random cuts,” says Eiltner, “but you never hear them thanking us for the cost savings.”  The randomness of the cuts is a small price to pay, he says. 

“People were so worried about AI deciding to destroy all of mankind,” he says.  “Compared to that this is small potatoes.”

The post New “Eleanor” A.I. Eliminates Jobs by Just Randomly Eliminating Jobs first appeared on Cubicle F.

“It’s a chance for our people to see the different sides of Ms. Rankin,” says HR Director Tom Mosberg.  “Our research team has determined that she has 18 different sides.”

One employee is selected each month by a committee of 17 managers from across the company, who review personnel files and other data before narrowing the field to five finalists.  The five are interviewed, as are their bosses, then asked to submit a 2000 word essay on why they are deserving of the honor.

One staffer is ultimately chosen – and then the preparation begins.  Ten days before the dinner, two HR managers who work full time on the program visit the employees’s home for a preliminary inspection.  They recommend any modifications that need to take place – cleaning, painting, removal of offensive artwork, etc. 

“They’ll come back at least two more times,” says Mosberg, “so that they can go over potential conversational topics, and also impress upon any children the importance of the occasion and what it means to their mom’s or dad’s career.” 

Dinner and wines are provided by Ms. Rankin’s personal chef and sommelier, with the family paying only 50 percent of the cost.

Says accountant Janet Wallsburg, who’s family was visited in March:  “It was an absolutely wonderful experience with the finest in dining and conversation and Ms. Rankin couldn’t have been more genial to me and my family as she showed us her different sides.”  

“Everyone else has been equally effusive!” says Mosberg – with the exception of the January honoree, he acknowledges, who was dismissed two days after the dinner

“That decision was based entirely on performance,” he insists – and not on the fact that the family’s teacup poodle, Tippy, relieved itself on Ms. Rankin’s $4500 Louboutins.

The post Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? For Some Lucky People, it Could be the CEO! first appeared on Cubicle F.

Starting February 1, 2026, the act of relieving oneself will also be improved as PoopGPT becomes available for purchase.

“The US businessperson faces many challenges during the course of a workday,” says Shirley Addison, CEO of TruckPile, which developed the software.  “By far the most inefficient and unpleasant is the act of going to the restroom.”

PoopGPT will change all that, she says – not just managing and scheduling, but actually taking over the physical act itself. 

“What was once considered unpleasant and a nuisance, really, will become as routine and enjoyable as sending an email or updating a timeline,” says Addison.

The program was tested at 20 companies across the US for three. months last spring, and the results were largely even better than anticipated.

“There was some resistance to AI getting itself involved in such a personal process,” says Darren Hoostra, HR Director at Hansen/Weeks Chicago, one of the test sites.  “But after just three or four days the staff was noticeably less stressed and perkier, and even walked with more of a spring in their steps. 

There was also an upswing  in productivity, since personnel were spending  67 percent less time on the process and could devote more attention to strategies and task forces.  

Hansen/Weeks has also projected an annual savings of $104,000, based on having to purchase fewer tissue rolls, soap products, and deodorizers. 

The post A.I. Will Take Over Another Daily Task With the Launch of PoopGPT first appeared on Cubicle F.

As of last April 1, however, the price had dropped to an all-time low of $23.68.

“There are usually external factors you can blame when things like this happen,” says company CFO MaryAnn Plemming.  “In this case, however, we believe the decline was due solely to underperforming staffers who stepped away from the plate.”

Hesitant to terminate any of the staff and lose a combined 12,345 years of experience, on April 15 the company issued the following sanctions – which will remain in place until the January 2023 stock price is reached once again:

• All employee parking spots have been moved to another lot, 1.5 miles away from the office.
• The “Tomato Surprise” – always a favorite in the cafeteria – is no longer a surprise, as its ingredients are now published and displayed at the cash register.
• The annual “Share Your Seasonings at Work” day, usually held in June, is being cancelled. Further, employees must surrender their seasonings until the stock price turns around.
• Women named Judy are not allowed to talk to women named Sally, or to men named George or Austin.
• Every workday, five employees are selected by drawing to stand in the hallway outside the executive offices, with their heads hung in shame.

“We take no pleasure in instituting these measures,” says Plemming, “but we must do what’s necessary for our stockholders, shareholders, stakeholders and all ancillary holders.”

The post Fed Up With an Underperforming Staff, Ohio Firm Imposes Sanctions first appeared on Cubicle F.

Launched as a gathering for people wishing to agree with their superiors 100 percent of the time, the event has seen attendance increase from 25 in 1988 to over 50,000 last year. 

“That people want to become more proficient at sucking up should come as no surprise,” says Peter Malls, a banking assistant who founded the event and still runs it. “Corporations are becoming less and less tolerant of disagreement and dissent, no matter their mission statements say.”

Stockbroker Giles Henning of Omaha believes his attendance at the festival has helped save his job.  “Two years ago I made the mistake of questioning with my boss’s appraisal of a condensed grape juice stock,” he says. “At Nodding Man I’ve learned to regret what I did and move on.”

“Not only do I have fun, but my skills have improved like you wouldn’t believe,” says Tina Reason, who’s been to every festival since 2008. “I can vehemently agree for three hours non-stop.”

The event offers 17 different sessions on nodding alone – how vigorously the head should move based on what the boss is saying, how to keep going without straining neck muscles, etc.

“The bottom line,” says Malls,” is that anytime your boss is saying anything at all, you should be nodding to at least some degree.”

The post Corporate Yes People to Gather at Nodding Man Festival in August first appeared on Cubicle F.

The manuscript of Spilt Then the Julep had been in the possession of Mobile, Alabama gas station attendant Trace Filbin since August of 1971. He claims that Lee left it as collateral when she was short $3.17 on a fill-up and oil change, then never returned to pay up and get it back. After waiting 50 years – which he claims he thought he was required by law to do – Filbin sold it to New York publisher Sontag-Millins for the $3.17 he was owed, plus $400. 

Sources who’ve seen the proofs say that while the original book about the Finch family, To Kill a Mockingbird, is set in the 1930s and Watchman starts in the 50s, Julep takes place over the course of four months, beginning the day in 1962 when Ringo Starr replaced Pete Best as drummer for The Beatles – though this is referenced only once, in passing, by Finch housekeeper Calpurnia Coleman.

Some other highlights, according to the sources:

• Jean Louise “Scout” Finch has grown more sophisticated and has taken to eating oysters. She also has a pet terrier named Leo, who she claims is clairvoyant, though the dog shows no sign of this other than whimpering whenever a door opens.
• Her father, Atticus Finch, has retired from the law and focuses all his energy on watching TV reruns of “The Honeymooners.”  He talks of little else but the Kramdens and Nortons.  
• Former prosecuting attorney Horace Gilmer is finally named Town Drunk, after having unofficially served in the capacity for over 20 years,
• Walter Cunningham, the impoverished boy who poured maple syrup over his meat and vegetables in Mockingbird, is now a successful accountant.  When dining with the Finches in Julep, he does the same thing again. This time, instead of asking, “What in Sam Hill are you doing?” Scout excuses herself from the table and moves to Memphis for three months.
• The character based on writer Truman Capote, Dill Harris, returns from Italy and shows up at various social functions making offensive remarks, like, “Is that your nose or are you eating a potato?” Some of the townspeople discuss riding him out of town on a rail, but owing to the cost of rails they opt to flatten his tires instead.
• Boo Radley, the phantom neighbor who saved Scout and her brother Jem from the drunken Bob Ewell has gotten over his shy ways and opened up a nightclub. His romance with sultry singer Gwendoline Williams is well known, but rarely talked about.

Publication has been tentatively scheduled for July 15. 

The post Another Lost Novel by Harper Lee to be Published in July first appeared on Cubicle F.