The $4.5 quadrillion project, spearheaded by Philmore Digital and targeted for a 2038 opening, would take up all of the state’s 662,000 acres – hosting 8.7 million A.I. applications and also storing recipes for the Pillsbury company. 

While 1600s-era domain laws empower the assembly to approve the project without putting it to a public vote, some residents are nonetheless concerned about what will become of them.

“Nobody has told us where we’re supposed to go,” says Jean Phipps, who has lived in Pawtucket all of her 71 years. “And they haven’t said what we’re supposed do do once we get there.”

Philmore CEO Laureen Foley insists that state’s 1.1 million residents have nothing to worry about.  “Wyoming and Nebraska have both said they’d welcome them with open arms,” she says, “and we’re waiting for  call back from Saskatchewan.”

Foley also dismisses concerns about the 17 trillion gallons of water per day the center will require to power its 548 billion gigabytes.

“It’s all coming from the Atlantic Ocean,” she says, “which our research tells us is an ocean with far more water than it needs.”

To honor Rhode Island’s history as one of the 13 original US colonies, Philmore will set aside 7.3 acres for the relocation of historic sites including the Breakers mansion, Truro Synagogue, and a portion of Roger Williams State Park. (The company is reserving the right to take the acres back if they’re needed for expansion down the line.)

“We’re kind of learning as we go,” says Foley. “This is our first state, but I’m pretty confident it won’t be our last.”

The post Entire State of Rhode Island May Soon be Replaced by One Enormous Data Center first appeared on Cubicle F.

“Our first three months in business we averaged 12 customers a night,” says eatery owner Tammy Brents. “Today that number is over 17.”  She believes the increase is because more and more diners are becoming wary of ingredients.

“When people gain weight or feel nauseous after eating, it’s almost always attributable to the ingredients in their food,” she says. “By preparing our meals entirely without ingredients we eliminate these risks and keep our customers healthy.”

Says one customer, Lena Dillman of Ann Arbor:  “At last I’ve found a guilt-free dining experience.”  The 37 year-old habitat analyst has eaten at Montie’s six times since it opened, and says she’s lost nearly two pounds.   “I also have an easier time remembering song lyrics,” she says, “especially ones by the Beach Boys.”

Other Detroit restaurants have been offering limited ingredients-free fare since the early 2010s, but Montie’s is the first to devote its entire menu to the format – including house specialties like ingredients-free pasta primavera and ingredients-free double Dutch chocolate cake.

“We believe that today’s diner is looking for atmosphere, presentation and healthfulness,” Brent says. “Whether or not their food has ingredients is really secondary.”

The post Ingredients-Free Menu Makes for Healthier Dining Experience first appeared on Cubicle F.

Vice President Joe Pillster was leading the presentation for his long-time employer, the Plowman Group, which was vying to represent parsley-based soft drink maker Meemo. The account is worth $18 million a year.

Also going after Meemo was rival firm UpSteve – which, according to the FBI, bribed Pillster $50,000 and a year’s supply of cinnamon products to deliberately throw the presentation so it would get the account instead.

“I knew something was up as soon as he started,” says a Plowman colleague who attended. “Instead of the flashy power point he always uses, he passed out loose-leaf pages with drawings of stickmen, and sang an off-key song about picking parsley.”

Then he began the presentation. “Is there anything more ridiculous than parsley soda?” he asked, to gasps from the already-puzzled audience.

At that point four FBI agents burst into the room, stopped the presentation, and explained what was going on to the Plowman and Meemo staffs – and also to ten high school students from the “Ad Folks of the Future” club who were there to observe.

While the FBI didn’t divulge how it found out about Joe Pillster, a source says that the UpSteve employee who’d delivered the bribe money experienced some kind of “vision” and tipped them off.

After he was handcuffed, the agents led Pillster out of the hushed conference room. When they were about to exit, one of the students stood up, with tears in his eyes.

“Say it ain’t so, Joe,” he said. “Say it ain’t so.”

The post FBI: Ad Exec Took Bribe to Throw Pitch to Potential Client first appeared on Cubicle F.

The situation has created an opportunity for Prattman Inc., the USA’s largest manufacturer of chopping blocks. As recently as 2008, the company was making only about 15,000 a year, compared to 17.5 million today.

“If a chopping block in the mid 90s could accommodate five heads it was considered state of the art,” says Prattman CEO Monique Williker. “Today if it doesn’t hold 35 there’s usually a waiting list to get one’s head onto it.”

Most of the company’s business is making standardized models for 20, 30 or 40 heads. However, it has made one that holds just two, for a Cincinnati baker, and one for 10,000, ordered by an intricacies conglomerate Williker refuses to name.

It’s not unusual, says Williker, for companies to spend $1 million or more on a chopping block  – like one for the Touline Group of Toledo, Ohio. Carved from North Carolina Walnut with a zirconite trim, it will be unveiled next month at a ceremony for all employees in the company’s main lobby.

“Updating your chopping block scenario sends a message to both shareholders and employees that your company can adapt to change,” says Williker. “That’s good for your image and good for morale.”

The post As Number of Heads on Them Grows, Production of Chopping Blocks Soars first appeared on Cubicle F.

On September 15, the American Packaging Institute certified the hard plastic cover on P & W’s Aunt Annie’s Twin Flashlights as Guaranteed Un-Openable – based on the fact that nobody has been able to get at the flashlights since they were introduced in June of 2023.

Companies across the globe have spent billions trying to reach this two-year milestone, the point at which a package is certified un-openable. They’ve utilized increasingly thicker layers of plastic, solid zinc fasteners, Alabama-based gluing compounds, and more. The average American now spends 42.3 days per year trying to open cookies, microwave ovens, and other products.

“More than once we thought we’d make the two years,” says P & W’s CEO Mel Cranston.  “But then some guy in Quincy, Illinois would figure out how to open the pickle forks or ice tongs.”

The best attempt until now was by the Niesenfraus Group of Dusseldorf, Germany, whose package for Whitfield Tea remained un-openable for 23 months and 27 days in 1991. It was just about to be certified when a thirsty resident of Dayton, Ohio managed to pry it open using a four-foot hatchet, beeswax and silicon-based explosives.

Meanwhile, sales for the twin flashlights have risen 35 percent each of the past two years – apparently unaffected by the fact that nobody has yet been able to use one.

The post Finally! Product Packaging That Absolutely Nobody Can Get Open first appeared on Cubicle F.

The curtain rises on 36 actors who go by numbers instead of names, seated in a circle. Two at a time – then four, then six, etc. – they take to the giant game board painted with large circles of varying colors. The show winds down three hours later, after a breathtaking 42 different numbers.

That’s a lot of songs for one show – and while it may have worked somewhere else, the problem with a game-board show is that too many of the songs involve the same concept:  Right Hand Purple, Left Foot Blue and Don’t Kick My Leg Off the Yellow sound pretty much the same, for instance.

There are exceptions:  The lovely Sally Cloverland (Number 6) singing Hoping and Praying He Won’t Tumble – as she’s poised nervously under 300 pound Number 33.  And Jerry Fillip (Number 22) singing the plaintive My Green’s Your Blue generated a few sniffles in the middle of the second act.  

Word from the road:  As their last two shows – Up from DesMoines and Mechanical Mary – closed after six and two performances, respectively,  Alvierro and St. Marie-Vance desperately need a hit.  Since so far no critics in Pittsburgh have been able to sit through an entire performance, this may not be it.  

The post Twister the Musical Struggling in Pittsburgh first appeared on Cubicle F.

St. Paul retro-brokers Hollings Inc. launched such a department in late 2018 – though it still hasn’t given it a name for fear of upsetting any of its 21 members, or anyone else.   

“We applaud their deciding that talking is no longer a viable option for them,” says company spokesperson Davis Devan.  “And we are committed to providing them a safe environment and the opportunity to earn a livelihood.”  The group passes its workdays reading, watching television, and performing simple work-related tasks when the need arises. Mainly, they just don’t talk.

The reasons they’ve stopped vary, says Devan. One stock conveyor quit when she was reported to HR for saying she was “in the dog house.”  A decimalist stopped after being reprimanded for offering a doughnut to a colleague who hadn’t asked for one. Many haven’t had any specific issues, but are just scared.

Devan estimates there will be over 100 in the department by the end of 2023. Since Holling employs only 130 in total, this will place added pressure on the other 30.  “Those who utilize the spoken word will become even more essential to our success,” he says.

Accordingly, the company is looking at incentives for its talkers, including extra vacation days, prime parking spots, and complimentary mints – though out of consideration for non-talkers, says Devan, the same benefits will be offered to them as well. 

The post Businesses Designating Departments For Employees Too Afraid to Speak first appeared on Cubicle F.