Business Briefs

No Longer Just Criminals, Henchmen Now Play Key Roles in US Businesses

As recently as 2018, few respectable people would have considered embarking on a career as a henchman.    “One always thought of a henchman as...

The Workplace

Start-Ups & Technology

Artisan Ice Cube Start-Up Struggles To Keep Up with Demand

After just six weeks in business, Detroit Artisan Ice Cubes is already working at capacity “We're up to 33 cubes a week,” says founder Larry...

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Milwaukee Electrician Who Claims He Identifies as CEO is Given the Job

For 22 years he had been employed as an electrician at Milwaukee-based Plantstrupp, Inc.,  but Arthur Holly recently informed the company that he actually identifies as the CEO.  “We take seriously the identificationary needs of every employee,” says the company’s HR vice president, Celia Mallinger. “Thus we immediately decided to remove...

In Lieu of Raises, Ad Agency Approves Employee Tip Jars

While foregoing salary increases for the seventh straight year, Detroit ad agency SommersWorth is taking steps to ensure all employees are adequately compensated. As of April 1, the company's executive committee authorized the purchase of tip jars for all staff members to place on their desks, or elsewhere in...

Fast Walkers Hurt in “Hallway Rage” Incident at San Antonio Manufacturer

Two managers at the Danzig Co. were injured this week in a “Hallway Rage” incident, the second occurrence in a month at the San Antonio condiment dispenser maker – and the latest of over 5,000 similar confrontations across the US so far in 2019. Hallway rage is caused when business...

With “Walking Out” Fired Staffers Now Common, Companies Seek More Humiliating Methods

When major auto companies began instituting massive layoffs across the country this month, those affected were invariably “walked out” – that is, provided with a box in which to place their belongings, then escorted from the premises as dozens of their former colleagues pretended not to see what was...

Phone App Facilitates Escapes from Research Presentations

There are three things common to every job in Corporate America: You never know when the axe may fall. There's a man named Eric in Finance who points to you and whispers to someone else. You have to go to research presentations. Nothing can be done about the first two,...

ASK YOUR MENTOR: Is Stepping Up to the Plate Getting on Board?

Q) Is “stepping up to the plate” the same thing as “getting on board?” I’ve asked around. Some of my colleagues say yes and some say no, and since my boss says them both to me a lot I feel I need to know if there's a difference. A)...

Norton Utilities Save Universe From Annihilation

A number of media outlets are reporting that the Universe nearly came to an abrupt end on July 10. It was saved at the last minute by the quick thinking of Juanita Ramirez, a saleswoman for Real Estate 12 in Queens, New York. At 9 that morning Ramirez discovered that her computer had...

Fifteen Top Managers Disciplined for Ignoring Elephant in the Room

At the Swansong Group, nobody talked about the elephant in the room. “We assumed the bosses didn’t want to hear about it so we kept our mouths shut,” says a manager at the Spokane financial commitment consortium, who asks not to be named out of concern people will find out who...

Let the Gecko Go!

Insurance giants GEICO, AFLAC and Progressive aggressively defended their animal-advertising practices yesterday amid reports that the GEICO Gecko, the AFLAC Duck, the Progressive Pig and other high profile insurance industry spokes-animals were being held in appalling conditions at a Biloxi Mississippi compound shared by the companies. In a joint statement,...

Researcher’s Career Takes Off When He Starts Asking, “What Can I Do You For?”

For 14 years, Level II Researcher Carl Mortons languished in anonymity at Cincinnati's Penrod Group, spending day after day analyzing Midwest auto mileage trends. He’d all but given up hope of being promoted to Level I. After some serious soul-searching, he decided that if he were ever going to stand...
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Cubicle F: The Show

Looking for entertainment at your next party, conference, or seminar? You could go with a karaoke contest or have your employees guess each others’ middle names. Or you could bring in our workplace comedy players! We’ll collaborate with your team to create songs, sketches and audience participation –...
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Learning to Talk Like a Young Person: We’re Just Sayin’

To help not-so-young employees adjust to all the young people descending on Detroit, a mandatory training program reviews language, celebrities, behaviors, and other trendy topics.