Business Briefs

The Workplace

Pocket Amplifier Guarantees Every “A-Ha!” Moment” is Heard Loud and Clear

In order to advance, business people must demonstrate regular “A-Ha! Moments" – defined as “suddenly coming to a conclusion and shouting ‘A-Ha!’” With at...

Start-Ups & Technology

At H2Only: Half Hour Wait for All-Water Drinks Worth Every Second

H2Only  – the new water-only tasting room on Third St. in Midtown Detroit – has been going gangbusters since opening last month. “We knew people...

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The Businesstype Series: #113, the Plop & Stayer

The Plop & Stayer will unexpectedly plop down in the chair in front of your desk - and then just stay. If it's being done correctly, he or she will time the incident so it occurs at the least convenient time - like when you're practicing for a spontaneous...

Two Who Both Claim to Have Coined “Phone Tag! You’re It!” Headed to Court

Two men who both claim they coined the expression “Phone tag, you’re it!” will be battling it out in the 417th District Court in Plymouth, Massachusetts to determine which of them will have exclusive rights to the saying. On one side is George McDevers, a personnel analyst with Boston-based Maritrex....

Man Who Spreads 78% of Workplace Rumors Tracked To California

On Tuesday, Corporate America tracked down the man responsible for the majority of workplace rumors spread across the country. It turns out that San Diego accruals clerk Edward Mantell has started 78 percent of the rumors floating around US offices – ranging from improprieties at Fortune 500 companies to the...

Weekly Work/Life Balance Reports Mandated at 30,000 US Companies

Employees with a healthy work/life balance have long been perceived as more valuable than their unbalanced peers - usually invited onto more task forces and getting smiled at more often by the CEO. But how does a company know employees are actually achieving this balance – and not just saying...

Not Allowed in Their Workplaces, Office Gangs Create Mayhem Across the USA

While the problem of street gangs is well documented, a newer concern is the trouble being caused by office gangs, whose numbers have increased dramatically since the start of the pandemic. According the US Bureau of Documented Statistics, there are more than 120,000 such gangs in the US, mostly...

More Michigan Municipalities Looking to Fill Town Drunk Positions

There are currently 31 Michigan municipalities looking to fill the position of town drunk, up from 22 just a year ago. "Many of them are moving onto other jobs," says Jill Timrod of the Ballter Institute, which tracks employment patterns for town drunks, pipe twisters, and 32 other occuptions.   ...

Men With Female Bosses Advised to Adopt Tough-Sounding Nicknames

Since men have long been accustomed to dominating the US workforce, many of them develop feelings of emasculation when they are required to report to a woman. Adopting a tough-sounding nickname - like "Ace" or "Spike" - can help reduce these feelings and at least partially restore self esteem,...

CEO Sneaks New Bullet Into Mission Statement

Q) I think the CEO has sneaked in a change to the mission statement. This morning I noticed a new bullet, “To double December profits.” I thought once you had a mission statement, you stick with it – and not change it just because you want something to happen....
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Inventing a New Business Buzzword

As of December 1, there were 12,323 business buzzwords registered with the National Association of Corporate Terminology. One more is needed, and the "Go To Guys" have been assigned to create it.

Heaven Tells US Businesses: Stop Having “Come to Jesus” Meetings

On July 15, every US business with more than 25 employees received a notice from Heaven strongly suggesting they stop threatening staffers with “Come to Jesus“ meetings. “Jesus is not at these meetings,” says Heaven spokesperson Julia Simpson. “It is therefore inappropriate to use His name as a means of...

Researcher’s Career Takes Off When He Starts Asking, “What Can I Do You For?”

For 14 years, Level II Researcher Carl Mortons languished in anonymity at Cincinnati's Penrod Group, spending day after day analyzing Midwest auto mileage trends. He’d all but given up hope of being promoted to Level I. After some serious soul-searching, he decided that if he were ever going to stand...

Playing it Safe is Risky Business

In today's cutting edge companies, effective managers must bring a risk-taking attitude to the table. In fact, not to take a risk is a very big risk. Because if you find yourself being perceived as tentative, afraid of change or --- worst of all --- tentatively afraid of change,...