Des Moines formulations company Hitts-Whitmer has selected its first-ever vampire as Employee of the Month. Marilyn Stillman, a clerk in Accounts Payable, was cited on December 2 for her “willingness to go the extra mile, especially during pre-dawn hours.”
“The award is indicative of our acceptance of people from every culture,” says Human Resources VP Celine Peters “We pride ourselves on being a diverse and welcoming workplace.” Hitts-Whitmer has employed 13 vampires over the past 20 years, having hired its first, marketing rep Hal Rempkin, in 1999.
“There was a period of adjustment, including some neck biting issues,” says Peters. “But we understood that five hundred year old habits are hard to break.” She says such issues – which also include falling asleep in wooden coffins and screaming when encountering sunlight – are dealt with as similar issues would be with non-vampire employees: Written warnings, verbal reprimands, being foriced
In accepting her award, employee of the month Stillman said, “I don’t think there’s another business that they always make me feel like I’m part of the team.”
“Once in awhile we have some neck-biting issues,” Peters admits, “but five hundred year-old habits are hard to break.” Vampires are given a written warning for the first incident, she says, and for a second offense they’re required to start wearing dental guards.
At the same time, non-vampire employees are counseled about things like not placing large crosses around the office, and also about the importance of keeping the window blinds closed during peak sunlight hours.
“Nothing’s worse for morale,” Peters says, “than seeing a colleague evaporate into a pile of dust.”
