Business Briefs

Business Briefs

Leftover “Clap On!” Motors Discovered in Heart Pacemakers

The consumer watchdog group Consumer Watchdog issued a warning...
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Business Briefs

Politically Correct Service Dogs Prevent Career Ending Faux “Paws”

Over 30,0000 American business people currently employ service dogs...
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Business Briefs

Utilizing the “Penny Tray” Strategy to Meet Budget Goals

January 2022 was a grim time at Santa Fe's...
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Business Briefs

More Michigan Municipalities Looking to Fill Town Drunk Positions

There are 31 municipalities looking to fill the position...
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Business Briefs

Tired of Constantly Being Eliminated, Middleman Finds Another Career

After 40 years and thousands of businesses hell bent on getting rid of him, the Middleman has finally thrown in the towel. On December 29, he enrolled in Midwest...
Business Briefs

Whether You’re Gluten Free and Other Things Former Employers Can and Can’t Reveal

Whether you leave a job on your own or against your will, it’s likely that a potential new employer will contact your former company to get some information about...
Business Briefs

As Risks in Illegal Trade Increase, Smugglers Turn to Toasters and Other Legal Merchandise

Over the past 20 years, jail terms for those caught smuggling drugs, fireworks, and other illegal items have increased by 45.6 percent.  As a result, more smugglers are now...
Business Briefs

Michigan Company Confirms That Assistant VP Has What It Takes

Tri-Con/tri-con, the Ann Arbor, MI based liscropic corporation, officially confirmed this week that Assistant VP/Implications Mark Evans has what it takes. The announcement came after an analysis of Evans’ core...
Business Briefs

After Six Year Evaluation, CEO Agrees to Sludge Bath Challenge

A task force at Houston's Falco Financial, first organized in 2018, has conditionally recommended that CEO Marianne Willikin participate in the GDS Sludge Bath, where participants spend ten minutes...
Business Briefs

Finally! Product Packaging That Absolutely Nobody Can Get Open

Chicago home goods maker Peers & Webb has achieved the goal that has eluded businesses for over a century: A product package that is absolutely impossible to open. On June...
Business Briefs

In 2023: Corporate Dysfunction Meds Outsell Little Blue Pill for First Time

In 2023, for the first time, sales of the little blue pill that helps remedy sexual difficulties were surpassed by the little yellow pill that does the same for...
Business Briefs

Increased Competition Among Ransomware Attackers Means Bargains for Businesses

As recently as three years ago, businesses whose data was being held hostage by ransomware attackers could expect to pay upwards of $10 million to retrieve their files unencrypted,...
Business Briefs

Sudden Paradigm Shift Causes Severe Flooding in Illinois Town

As if the past few years haven’t already presented their share of challenges, last week the town of Massington, Illinois experienced the worst flooding it has seen in over...
Business Briefs

Milwaukee Electrician Who Claims He Identifies as CEO is Given the Job

For 22 years he had been employed as an electrician at Milwaukee-based Plantstrupp, Inc.,  but Arthur Holly recently informed the company that he actually identifies as the CEO.  “We take...
Business Briefs

300-Member Logo Committee Adds Colon, De-Capitalizes Name

After meeting regularly since February of 2021 and spending $4.33 million on research, the ad hoc logo committee at Parker-Glossman announced a stunning change to the company’s long-standing logo. It...
Business Briefs

240 Notary Publics to Compete for One Job on New Reality TV Show

Astrid Entertainment – creators of Blind Beekeeper - announced this week that Stamp! will debut on the PLUSSS cable network at 10 PM on August 17. The premise: Julie, a...
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Popular Headlines

Walking Insurance Actuaries Invade Pennsylvania City

Three weeks ago, insurance actuary Anita Mizon, who had died in 2015 of digestive issues, emerged from her grave and began wandering, disheveled and...

How Many Times Do I Have to Say Hello to the Same People?

Q) During the course of a workday, I see the same people many times, usually in the hallways between meetings. I always greet them...

Mother Nature to Retire, Spokane Conglomerate Will Assume Her Responsibilities

After having served in her position for nearly 4,000 years, Mother Nature announced she will retire on December 31. Effective in January of 2026,...
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Company Mandates That Employees Spend 12 Minutes a Day at Water Cooler

When employees of Milwaukee's Turner-Marx failed to gather around the new water cooler, which had been purchased solely to facilitate conversation and encourage camaraderie,...

Five New Apps to Aggregate Pulses, Block Jim Turners, Refine Challenges, Organize Restroom Breaks and Pick Noses

With phone apps like these coming to market this year, it’s no wonder that Detroit app developer Drumple has seen its price-per-share rise from...

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