Business Briefs

Business Briefs

Finally! Product Packaging That Absolutely Nobody Can Get Open

Chicago home goods maker Peers & Webb has achieved...
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Business Briefs

Major Paradigm Shift Causes Severe Flooding in Illinois Township

As if the past few years haven’t already presented...
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Business Briefs

Banked Restroom Visits, Guaranteed Compliments Among Amenities at New Capitol Park Eatery

Haves & Haves – which opened in Detroit’s Capitol...
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Business Briefs

As Risks in Illegal Trade Increase, Smugglers Turn to Toasters and Other Legal Merchandise

Over the past 20 years, jail terms for those...
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Business Briefs

Electrician Who Claims He Identifies as the CEO is Given the Job

Though for 22 years he has been employed as an electrician at Milwaukee-based Plantstrupp, Inc., Arthur Holly recently informed the company that he actually identifies as the CEO.  “We take...
Business Briefs

300-Member Logo Committee Adds Colon, De-Capitalizes Name

After meeting regularly since February of 2021 and spending $4.33 million on research, the ad hoc logo committee at Parker-Glossman announced a stunning change to the company’s long-standing logo. It...
Business Briefs

240 Notary Publics to Compete for One Job on New Reality TV Show

Astrid Entertainment – creators of Blind Beekeeper - announced this week that Stamp! will debut on the PLUSSS cable network at 10 PM on August 17. The premise: Julie, a...
Business Briefs

If Customers Don’t Grab Cash in Two Seconds, This Bank’s ATMs Will Take It Back and Keep It

Citing losses of over $220 million during the past four months, CityThird of Newark, New Jersey, has launched a new initiative to help it regain profitability.  Starting May 1,...
Business Briefs

Fired Executives Didn’t Know Offensive Terms Had Been Added to List of Offensive Terms

On April 5, Minna Rawllns, CFO of New York City’s Billings/Watts, emailed a staffer thanking him for his “fastidious” attention to detail. She was dismissed an hour later, claiming...
Business Briefs

Chicago Conference Center Will Charge $25 to Check Egos at Door

With 98 percent of all corporate conferences now requiring attendees to check their egos at the door, a Chicago hotel and conference center will become the first to charge...
Business Briefs

Leftover “Clap On!” Motors Discovered in Heart Pacemakers

The consumer watchdog group Consumer Watchdog issued a warning this week against purchasing heart pacemakers made by Tapson-Wise of Milwaukee. Rather than being equipped with standard pacemaker motors, the group...
Business Briefs

Walking Insurance Actuarials Invade Pennsylvania City

Three weeks ago, insurance actuarial Anita Mizon, who had died in 2015 of digestive issues, emerged from her grave and began wandering, disheveled and blank-eyed, through Altmoor, Pennsylvania. “At first...
Business Briefs

New Guidelines Would Require Corporate Whistle Blowers to Blow an Actual Whistle

The American Association of Monetary Trasparency has proposed a new rule requiring that employees of financial institutions blow an actual whistle when reporting potential malfeasance. “Many of the businesses we...
Business Briefs

Coffee Chain Defends Policy of Tasing Customers Who Stay in Line Too Long

When Molly Tallman asked the barista at Sacramento’s Drippish Coffee how many types of mocha lattes were available, she did not expect the woman to pull out a taser...
Business Briefs

Career Enhancement Pill Outsells Little Blue Pill in 2021

In 2021, for the first time, sales of the little blue pill that treats sexual dysfunction were surpassed by those of the little yellow pill for corporate dysfunction. “As a...
Business Briefs

The Bard Meant Business – a Long-Lost Sonnet

Earlier this year, a story in The Huffington Post listed 13 of the many words invented by William Shakespeare – including “gloomy,” "majestic,” and “zany.” What many don't know, however,...
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Detroit Team Building Facility Makes Backstabbing Fun

It’s a typical night at STABB, a new Detroit facility specializing in corporate team building.  Twenty-four employees of Midtown’s Matson Reducibles maneuver cautiously around...

New Phone App Disrupts Neurosurgery Industry by Offering In-Home Operations

The new Cortex phone app offers users the convenience of at-home neurosurgery - and at an average savings savings of over 95 percent. “If you...

Charging Helmet Reverses Effects of Executive Burnout

As recently as 2021, Executive Burnout cost US business over $600 billion a year in medical and replacement expenses. That’s likely to change, thanks...

Michigan Company Confirms That Assistant VP Has What It Takes

Tri-Con/tri-con, the Ann Arbor, MI based liscropic corporation, officially confirmed this week that Assistant VP/Implications Mark Evans has what it takes. The announcement came after...

Requiring Signatures on Anonymous Attitude Survey Boosts Positivity by 1600 Percent

Sears/Wills, the international travel aggregator, achieved a 1598 percent increase in its employee satisfaction score this year by making one simple change to its...

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