St. Paul retro-brokers Hollings Inc. launched such a department in late 2018 – though it still hasn’t given it a name for fear of upsetting any of its 21 members, or anyone else.   

“We applaud their deciding that talking is no longer a viable option for them,” says company spokesperson Davis Devan.  “And we are committed to providing them a safe environment and the opportunity to earn a livelihood.”  The group passes its workdays reading, watching television, and performing simple work-related tasks when the need arises. Mainly, they just don’t talk.

The reasons they’ve stopped vary, says Devan. One stock conveyor quit when she was reported to HR for saying she was “in the dog house.”  A decimalist stopped after being reprimanded for offering a doughnut to a colleague who hadn’t asked for one. Many haven’t had any specific issues, but are just scared.

Devan estimates there will be over 100 in the department by the end of 2023. Since Holling employs only 130 in total, this will place added pressure on the other 30.  “Those who utilize the spoken word will become even more essential to our success,” he says.

Accordingly, the company is looking at incentives for its talkers, including extra vacation days, prime parking spots, and complimentary mints – though out of consideration for non-talkers, says Devan, the same benefits will be offered to them as well. 

The post Businesses Designating Departments For Employees Too Afraid to Speak first appeared on Cubicle F.

Starting February 1, 2026, the act of relieving oneself will also be improved as PoopGPT becomes available for purchase.

“The US businessperson faces many challenges during the course of a workday,” says Shirley Addison, CEO of TruckPile, which developed the software.  “By far the most inefficient and unpleasant is the act of going to the restroom.”

PoopGPT will change all that, she says – not just managing and scheduling, but actually taking over the physical act itself. 

“What was once considered unpleasant and a nuisance, really, will become as routine and enjoyable as sending an email or updating a timeline,” says Addison.

The program was tested at 20 companies across the US for three. months last spring, and the results were largely even better than anticipated.

“There was some resistance to AI getting itself involved in such a personal process,” says Darren Hoostra, HR Director at Hansen/Weeks Chicago, one of the test sites.  “But after just three or four days the staff was noticeably less stressed and perkier, and even walked with more of a spring in their steps. 

There was also an upswing  in productivity, since personnel were spending  67 percent less time on the process and could devote more attention to strategies and task forces.  

Hansen/Weeks has also projected an annual savings of $104,000, based on having to purchase fewer tissue rolls, soap products, and deodorizers. 

The post A.I. Will Take Over Another Daily Task With the Launch of PoopGPT first appeared on Cubicle F.

Launched as a gathering for people wishing to agree with their superiors 100 percent of the time, the event has seen attendance increase from 25 in 1988 to over 50,000 last year. 

“That people want to become more proficient at sucking up should come as no surprise,” says Peter Malls, a banking assistant who founded the event and still runs it. “Corporations are becoming less and less tolerant of disagreement and dissent, no matter their mission statements say.”

Stockbroker Giles Henning of Omaha believes his attendance at the festival has helped save his job.  “Two years ago I made the mistake of questioning with my boss’s appraisal of a condensed grape juice stock,” he says. “At Nodding Man I’ve learned to regret what I did and move on.”

“Not only do I have fun, but my skills have improved like you wouldn’t believe,” says Tina Reason, who’s been to every festival since 2008. “I can vehemently agree for three hours non-stop.”

The event offers 17 different sessions on nodding alone – how vigorously the head should move based on what the boss is saying, how to keep going without straining neck muscles, etc.

“The bottom line,” says Malls,” is that anytime your boss is saying anything at all, you should be nodding to at least some degree.”

The post Corporate Yes People to Gather at Nodding Man Festival in August first appeared on Cubicle F.

“The goal is to network with lots of people,” says Detroit attorney Janine Turnquist, 38, “but sometimes you end up spending the whole night with one guy talking about pre-conceptual strategies.”

To avoid such a scenario, earlier this year she started the monthly Detroit Speed Networking meet-up at the Loristan Hotel. Participants have exactly 125 seconds to talk to someone before moving on. That, says Turnquist, is plenty of time to ascertain core competencies, key assets, and much more.

It’s simple: You pick a partner, the buzzer goes off, and in 125 seconds it goes off again and you pick another partner. It’s important to make the most of the time in between, and Turnquist recommends these four topics:

• Discuss in terms of inches and feet how far you’re ahead of the power curve, the learning curve, and any ancillary curves
• When benchmarking best practices, do you listen to music? Describe.
• What would cause you to push the panic button? Would you prefer that instead of a button it was a whistle that you blow?

“The people who come tell me that this way’s much better,” says Turnquist, noting that attendance increased from 7 at the first event to 14 at the sixth.

“The more people you talk to, the better the chances that you’ll eventually understand why they invented networking evens in the first place.”

The post Speed Networking: 125 Seconds to Discuss Core Competencies, Key Assets and More first appeared on Cubicle F.

“Ten years ago new hirees were bringing two things to the table, three tops,” says Thom Wellman, a statistician for Flint Savings of Cleveland who monitors the situation for his employer. “Today, the typical candidate brings an average of 7.5 things.”

In many cases, companies are purchasing new tables, spending an estimated $1.4 billion in 2024. Others have been building additions to current tables, more economical but usually not as effective.

“Our table is five times the size of the one we bought in 2006,” says Wellman.  He says it’s no longer feasible to expand it, and that if the trend continues the company is actually considering buying two tables as soon as mid 2027.

The post As Gen Xers Bring More to the Table, Bigger Tables Needed first appeared on Cubicle F.

At Priticom, a Midwest formulation consortium, the company determined in January that it wouldn’t be able to give CEO Martin Groenig his anticipated increase and still provide shareholders with a 76 percent return.

So employees agreed to raise the money themselves. Thanks to their efforts, Groenig will receive a 20 percent raise – taking him from $32.4 million to $38.9.

“It gives you a warm feeling to help a person out,” says Tina Weemson, a financial alterations specialist.  “It was an amazing team effort.”

Weemson organized three department bake sales that raised over $1600. Other activities included car washes, bingo nights, casual clothes days, and a karaoke night at a nearby club that featured only Groenig’s favorite songs.

Employees who were unable to take part in fundraising activities were allowed to take a pay cut of from 4 to 10 percent, or to surrender vacation days.

“Participation was completely optional,” says Priticom spokesperson Melanie Roy. “There was no coercion in any way.”   She says that Groenig is receiving a list of everyone who donated so he can send them individualized thank-you notes. “He has always been a person who cares about his employees.”

“I’m proud of our accomplishment,” says employee Weemson, who concedes that the only time she’s ever seen Groenig was when his limo pulled alongside her Ford Fiesta.  “He nodded to me,” she says.

“And let’s not loose sight of the fact that Mr. Groenig is making a sacrifice, too,” says Roy. “Last year he got 25 percent.”

The post SUCCESS! Employees Celebrate Raising Funds to Give CEO 20% Raise first appeared on Cubicle F.

Here’s why: Statistics show that 17,244,234,098 A-Ha! moments occurred in 2023, often as many as seven or eight during a single one-hour meeting. That’s up 80 percent since 2015, mainly due to increased competition for fewer good jobs.

Thus, it’s becoming more and more difficult to be heard when shouting “A-Ha!” – particularly for aging workers who get drowned out by younger people. The app amplifies the “A-Ha!” so it can be heard.

Developed by Glomish, makers of Notary-in-a-Can, the quarter-inch speaker is built into a pen placed in the breast pocket, with a miniature microphone that slides invisibly into either nostril. The device increases A-Ha! volume by an average of 17 decibels and can be cranked up to as high as 35 in especially noisy environments.

“I had 78 A-Ha! Moments in 2023,” says Paul, a 62 year-old pre-planner from Portland, Oregon. “I don’t think my boss heard one of them.”

That all changed when he bought A-Ha!

“The first time I used it I got three thumbs-up!” says Paul. “I drowned out a woman in her 20s who was having a moment about toothpicks.” A month later Paul found himself promoted to senior pre-planner.

“I don’t believe that’s a coincidence,” he says.

The post Pocket Amplifier Guarantees Every “A-Ha!” Moment” is Heard Loud and Clear first appeared on Cubicle F.

Well, I’m happy to note that out of 26 people in the department, all 26 immediately signed up and paid their dues. But it’s a bittersweet happiness, because for the past week unusual things have been happening:  Someone has been pouring out my coffee whenever I’m away from my desk and replacing it with different coffee, which I can tell, and I keep getting text messages from someone named Glenn telling me I should consider wearing bigger shoes. Also, a couple times when I started my car I thought I heard a muffled explosion under the hood.

Other than these three things, however, everyone’s acting just the same toward me as they always have – but do you think these things could be related to the fan club, maybe because people think I’m a suck-up?

A) I can tell you with certainty that none of this is related to your starting the fan club and that nobody thinks you’re a suck-up. In 2019 – the last year for which data is available – 254,000 employees of US businesses organized fan clubs for their bosses. In almost every instance, the organizers’ colleagues welcomed the opportunity to pay tribute to the boss.  Only one person, a vegetable statistician from Newark, Ohio, reported a possible adverse reaction from her colleagues: She was drugged, packed in a crate, and shipped to San Diego – though there’s no proof this was related to her starting the fan club.

Dr. Miles Miller, holds a PhD in managerial logistics from Billings-Porth University, where he has served on the faculty since 1988, specializing in conceptual trending.

The post Does Starting a Fan Club for My Boss Make Me Look Like a Suck-Up? first appeared on Cubicle F.

They did as instructed, and within three hours addendum 41(2)b was introduced to great acclaim. Watson was so pleased that he instructed the two keep their heads together until they developed at least ten additional addendum.  

That process took three more days, and now McDougall and Evanston can’t get their heads back apart.    

“We’ve consulted a number of different doctors,” says Evanston, “but other than one of them telling us to try prune oil, nothing so far has worked and it’s getting tougher and tougher.”

”Luckily we get along pretty well,” says McDougall.  This is essential, of course, because the two must obviously spend 24 hours a day together – managing not only work projects but also eating, bathing, sleeping and dressing.

“And forget about dating!” says the recently divorced Evanston.

Dr. Halley Sellson, an expert on workplace directives at the Taladon Institute, believes the two should consider legal action.

 “When a superior issues an order it is incumbent upon them to be aware of potential consequences,” she says. “Forcing heads together for extended periods of time is never going end well.”  

The post Told to Put Their Heads Together, Two Analysts Now Can’t Get Them Apart first appeared on Cubicle F.

Says analyst Max Torrey:  “I go up to people, put one hand on their left shoulder, take their right hand and ask, ‘Is all OK?’”

When CEO Gabriel Portnoy arrived at the company in 2022, hopes were high. He had successfully run two other genistics firms – but during his first year at Lamernoy he made some major missteps, including removing sunflower seeds from the cafeteria menu and cutting salaries by 33 percent.  .

“People avoided looking at him,” says one marketing employee. “If he got on an elevator they’d try to get off.”

Meanwhile, he observed how popular Torrey was with his colleagues. He directed two VPs to look into the matter, and they reported it was likely due to the way he greeted his fellow co-workers.  Portnoy directed that they get some video of the greeting – and after studying it he decided to start using it himself.

At first, Torrey took this as a compliment.  “What do they say about imitation and flattery?” he asks.  But when Portnoy asked him to find another greeting – offering  the “fake point and gun click” or the “thumbs up” sign as replacements – Torrey refused. 

An HR representative then informed him that since he’d created the greeting on company time, it technically belonged to the company.  Torrey hired a lawyer.  

He is still using  the greeting, as is Portnoy, and come December 15 a judge in Wisconsin’s 17th Circuit Court will decide who gets to continue.

The post Wisconsin CEO Sued After Appropriating Staffer’s Signature Greeting for Himself first appeared on Cubicle F.