Facing the need to save costs following two years of losses, Tulsa platform manufacturers Ralston-Morton ordered the layoffs of 18 of the company’s 424 employees last week. Those impacted held varying jobs, with salaries ranging from minimum wage to the mid six-figures. The one thing they had in common was that they were all named Ray.
“Our research told us that persons named Ray are less likely to contribute to a company’s success,” says Ralston-Morton spokesperson Norman Fielding. “And in this day and age a business can’t risk not succeeding.”
He cited these four reasons why CEO Elizabeth Stanwell ordered the elimination of the Rays:
- They can grasp large-scale concepts, but continually have to ask which is the men’s room.
- They tend to squint when they read.
- They refer to colleagues as “My Man” to the point of irritation.
- They go in and change the names around on all the food items employees leave in the company refrigerator.
Stanwill’s decisions are rarely questioned. Since assuming her role in late 2019, she has reversed a 15-year decline. In 2021, she led the company to its best year ever – first, by implementing the Track 73 controllable initiative, then by reducing the number of carb-based choices in the company cafeteria.
“Becoming Ray-less is the kind of vision that will guide us to even greater heights!” says vice president Jon Wollish, who like most employees speaks glowingly of the CEO.
In fact, according to spokesperson Fielding, her only critics appear to be employees named Ray.
