With Americans preparing to file their federal income taxes, the watchdog group The WatchDog Group has issued its annual reminder about things the Internal Revenue Service CAN and CANNOT do in the event a return is called into question:
- It CAN move up to three auditors into your home to conduct a comprehensive analysis of your returns. During this time you will be expected to provide meals and board, and will not be reimbursed even if no improprieties are found. (This does not include desserts, except for Jello.)
- It CAN confiscate any and all footwear; it CANNOT wear it.
- It CANNOT drive around your neighborhood in a car equipped with loudspeakers, proclaiming that you may be a tax cheat; it CAN distribute pamphlets.
- It CAN show up in the lobby of your workplace and stare at you menacingly when you come in or out. It can also ask your colleagues if you’ve recently purchased any fancy neckties (but not overcoats or perfume).
- It CANNOT take your vehicle; it CAN siphon out the gasoline.
- It CAN interrogate you for up to three hours at a stretch; it CANNOT ask any questions about physics or geography.
- It CANNOT get information from an aunt, uncle, or family pet. It CAN talk to any of your first through fourth grade teachers.
- It CAN follow you around for up to seven months, mimicking the way you walk, even if the audit turns up nothing.
- It CANNOT perform a musical routine about how much it thinks you owe. It CAN write one and hire others to perform it.
- It CANNOT freeze your assets; it CAN lower their temperature by up to 14 degrees.
Keep these things in mind in the event the IRS contacts you. And of course, if you’ve done nothing wrong, you have nothing to be concerned about.
