With American parents working increasingly longer hours so they appear indispensable to employers, the time they spend with their children has decreased by 76 percent over the past five years.
The new Stand-In Parent – developed by PROXITOL, inventors of the Excuse Pill – will enable them to stay at work even longer.
Starting at $15,000, the life-like reproductions are made from synthetic bylenol, which closely resembles human skin, except for a slight bluish tint. In extensive testing, seven out of eight children couldn’t tell the stand-in from the real parent – even when they were as close as 15 feet.
Stand-In Parents are equipped with limited mouth movement and hand gesturing. Up to 25 different phrases can be recorded in the parent’s actual voice, including: “Go upstairs (or downstairs) and do your homework!” “I’m telling you to eat your (least favorite food item)!” and “When I say no, I mean no!”
The faux parent can be seated on the living room couch, propped up at a kitchen counter, and placed in a variety of positions to deceive young children. More advanced models – including some that can attend PTA meetings and chaperone school dances – are in development.
Sheila Turnley, a Tacoma commodities placer, says the stand-in has drastically improved her work life.
“When you work 100 hours a week it’s very draining to come home to a four year old demanding attention,” she says. She purchased a stand-in last month, and claims her daughter has calmed down considerably.
“Now I’m able to work 120 hours,” she says, “without those guilty feelings that I’m neglecting her.”
