With American parents working increasingly longer hours so they appear indispensable to employers, the time they spend with their children has decreased by 76 percent over the past five years. Now the Stand-In Parent – developed by PROXITOL, inventors of the Good Excuse Pill – will enable them to stay at work even longer.
Starting at $15,000, the life-like reproductions of the actual parents are made from synthetic bylenol, which closely resembles human skin, except for a slight bluish tint. Since the product was launched last July, research has shown that 77 out of 80 children can’t tell the stand-in from the real thing – even from as close as 15 feet.
The stand-ins are equipped with limited mouth movement and hand gesturing. Up to 25 different phrases can be recorded in the parent’s actual voice, including: “Go upstairs (or downstairs) and do your homework!” “I’m telling you to eat your (least favorite food item)!” and “When I say no, I mean no!”
The faux parent can be seated on the living room couch, propped up at a kitchen counter, and placed in a variety of positions to deceive children. More advanced models – including some that can attend PTA meetings and chaperone school dances – are in development.
Sheila Turnley, a Tacoma commodities placer, says the stand-in has drastically improved her work life.
“When you work 100 hours a week it’s very draining to come home to a four year old demanding attention,” she says. She purchased a stand-in last month, and claims her daughter has calmed down considerably.
“Now I’m able to work 120 hours,” she says, “without those guilty feelings that I’m neglecting her.”
