Business Briefs

Leftover “Clap On!” Motors Discovered in Heart Pacemakers

The consumer watchdog group Consumer Watchdog issued a warning...

Politically Correct Service Dogs Prevent Career Ending Faux “Paws”

Over 30,0000 American business people currently employ service dogs...

More Michigan Municipalities Looking to Fill Town Drunk Positions

There are 31 municipalities looking to fill the position...

Portland Retailer Achieves Goal of Longest Checkout Line in History

On December 19, Portland department store Fillner’s achieved a goal it had sought for 50 years: The longest checkout line ever recorded - over 1.2 miles, with an average...

Incompetence-Sniffing Dogs Help Companies Improve Bottom Line

To ensure all employees are contributing their fair share, many businesses are utilizing incompetence-sniffing dogs to identify those not making the grade.   “Some breeds possess an innate ability to...

Thumbtack Festival Returns to Detroit Maker Space

For the third year, thumbtack makers from across the US will gather at Detroit’s MakerSpace maker space to show off their handiwork at the second annual Thumtackular!!! festival. “We expect...

Exec Fired for Not Knowing Lil’ Bow Wow is Now Just Plain Bow Wow

The Chief Transformation Officer at Milwaukee's Tellway-Platt was dismissed this week for not knowing that rapper Bow-Wow had dropped the prefix “Lil.’” Monica Pasterell, 51, was a 29-year veteran of...

Norton Utilities Save Universe From Annihilation

A number of media outlets are reporting that the Universe nearly came to an abrupt end on July 10. It was saved at the last minute by the quick thinking of...

Police Shut Down Fight Ring Involving Civil Engineers

Over 40 people were arrested in Wyandotte, Michigan last Saturday in connection with a fight operation pitting two civil engineers against each other. According to city police spokeswoman Celia Minsle,...

From the Rank and File to the Powers That Be: Five CPA Advancement Levels

In 2014 - to eliminate chaos, confusion, and long lines in the cafeterias - CPA firms across the US standardized employee advancement levels. At any time during their careers,...

Company’s Stock Falls as CEO Photographed Wearing Only One Hat

The stock price of Fresno, California-based Melipropinol2 fell 45 percent after photos of CEO Marlene Timrod, wearing only one hat, were posted across social media yesterday. “A company is doomed...

As Number of Heads on Them Increase, Production of Chopping Blocks Soars

In 2015, the average number of heads on the chopping blocks of US corporations was 4.4.  Today, during the Covid-19 crisis it's 22.5 and is expected to hit 30...

MooseSkunk Closes Brick & Mortar Store: Bricks Sold, Mortar Didn’t

After a planning and implementation process that took over three years and involved over 130 focus groups, MooseSkunk announced that it is closing its Midtown Detroit brick and mortar...

CEO Resigns After “Hats Off to Everyone!” Tweet Goes Viral

Patrick Waterston, CEO of PlumRankTwelve, resigned on Monday following an offensive tweet that was shared over 280 million times.  At 10:12 AM he tweeted a congratulatory message to the...

Downsizing Plan: Keep All Employees, But Reduce Each Person by 50%

Faced with the need to reduce its workforce by half, Denver's Pimpernel Strategics  bucked the usual trend. Instead of eliminating 50 percent of the staff, it maintained its entire...

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Popular Headlines

Tired of Continually Being Eliminated, Middleman Embarks on New Career

After 40 years and thousands of businesses hellbent on getting rid of him, the Middleman has finally thrown in the towel. On May 1,...

Chain to Launch Self-Eating Pizza in 2026

After nearly five years of research and testing, pizza chain Markko’s will introduce a self-eating pizza in March of 2026.  The product is targeted...

Utilizing the “Penny Tray” Strategy to Meet Budget Goals

January 2022 was a grim time at Santa Fe's Silver & Post.  For the first time in the company's 105-year history, it was going to...

Strenuous “Ah-Ha Moments” Taking Toll on Older Workers

A 63 year-old Troy, Michigan marketing manager was in stable condition at a local hospital Tuesday following an A-Ha! Moment Collapse (AHMC) at his...

Walking Insurance Actuaries Invade Pennsylvania City

Three weeks ago, insurance actuary Anita Mizon, who had died in 2015 of digestive issues, emerged from her grave and began wandering, disheveled and...