Cubicle F Predicts: Some 2014 Business Stories

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We take a look at a few stories that may or may not happen this year – from the Michigan Central Station to the D.I.A.

  • Quicken Loans Chairman Dan Gilbert purchases his 100th building in Detroit – Stanley Freeman’s Barber Shop on Oakland Ave. Mr. Freeman stays on as a tenant, changing his business name to St@nley’s B@rber Sh@p, which provides “multi-faceted, synergistic hair solutions to tangible end-users.”
  • The city’s urban agriculture scene acquires another key player when Krispy Kreme Doughnuts purchases 17 acres near Telegraph and Fenkell to grow two of its most popular varieties – chocolate ice glazed and powdered strawberry filled.
  • The abandoned Michigan Central station on Michigan Ave. finally re-opens when Slow’s Barbeque purchases the building and launches the world’s first 15,000-seat restaurant.
  • When Slow’s daily dining crowd reaches 20,000, lien holder Manuel “Matty” Moroun quickly invalidates the sale, closes the restaurant and opens the world’s first 20,000-seat duty free pancake outlet.
  • Declaring the piece “ irreplaceable,” arts patrons picket the DIA to protest the sale of original album cover art from “Bing Crosby’s Christmas Classics of 1965,” which Christie’s auction house expects to go for at least $450 at auction.
  • Controversy erupts when a small elastic strap-making business calls itself a “pop-up” rather than a “start-up,’ leading advocates for the two movements to gather at opposite ends of Capitol Park and exchange such insults as “Start up this!” and, “You wouldn’t know a pop up from a pop tart!”
  • Meanwhile, 2014’s most successful start-up or pop-up is “Monica’s Brownies”, whose motto is “Deliciously Addicting.” Monica refuses to reveal the ingredients that make the brownies so addicting.
  • Ford Motor CEO Alan Mulally, having turned down an offer to assume command of Microsoft, instead leaves Ford for Little Caesars Pizza, where he’ll lead the effort to mass produce pizzas in China and send them to US homes via drone delivery.