After having served in her position for nearly 4,000 years, Mother Nature announced she will retire on December 31. Effective in January of 2022, The Workington Group/Spokane – which runs businesses ranging from nougat processors to toothbrush clip makers – will assume responsibility for wind, fire, and rain. It is still negotiating the rights to sleet.
“By expanding into new areas we’re better serving the needs of our stakeholders,” says Workington spokesperson Nehls Fillman, who says the company is also in talks to purchase a flashlight holder maker.
Fillman would not comment on whether Mother Nature’s retirement is her choice, or if she is being forced from the job she has held since 1942 BC. Before then, individual countries maintained control over their own forces of nature.
“She has worked hard and done her job well,” says Fillman. “She has interests she’s never been able to explore, like reading, sewing and collecting rare pottery. Now she’ll have the time.”
Citing a requirement of her pension, Mother Nature declined to comment for this story. Fillner says she will remain a part-time consultant for 50 to 100 years.
“Or at least until this global warming thing blows over,” he says.
