Norton Utilities Save Universe From Annihilation

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A number of media outlets are reporting that the Universe nearly came to an abrupt end on July 10. It was saved at the last minute by the quick thinking of Juanita Ramirez, a saleswoman for Real Estate 12 in Queens, New York.

At 9 that morning Ramirez discovered that her computer had been infected with a virus programmed to destroy the Universe at 10:15.  Rather than simply giving up and attempting to put her affairs in order, she quickly ran some corrective software developed in 1982 by a former Brooklyn bus driver.

That software – Norton Utilities  – quickly eradicated the virus and the disaster was averted.  How the infection got into the computer remains a mystery, as the only virus previously found in the office’s system was one that changed the word “the” to “orthodontic.”

“Juanita has saved our bacon on a number of occasions,” says Marilyn Arrd, sales director and Ramirez’s boss.  “Just a couple years ago she caught a mistake in a contract that would have cost the company $5000.”

Ramirez, meanwhile, brushes off the attention she’s been getting and claims that her motive was actually self-serving.

“I had an open house scheduled for later in the day,” she says. “I just didn’t feel like cancelling.”